Sunday, July 24, 2011

Day 9 Wednesday, June 29th 2011

Today was a hard day for me. I felt as though I have hit a low. I woke up feeling a good bit better from being sick and had some time to spend with the Lord.... sort of.... mmm maybe not really. I read some in the World Harvest book called "My Luggage Is Not Heavy" a couple of my friends gave me.... So that doesn't really count. It's actually disappointing to me how little I've been able to spend with the Lord in quiet time. I am constantly with teammates or out doing stuff during the day with the children. There is never a good time where I can just say "hey I'm going to go off by myself and just spend time with the Lord...." Is it enough to say that I see Him throughout my work here? Is it enough to say that I spend a lot of time with him through my daydreams? Is that a tool He has given me to get through the day with Him? When Jesus was teaching he was constantly being asked to heal, being tugged and pulled on. People all around him. Even in trying to find places of solitude he was bothered. Bothered to feed 5,000 people with two loaves of bread and 5 fish. Boom! a miracle! Jesus is bothered (I'm sure not in His mind it was bothersome) and He answers them by feeding them and preaching to them.

I can sort of relate to His tiredness and still wanting to give back, although I am sure it is not as graceful as Jesus himself. Just being tired trying to spread your attention to so many children is mentally and physically exhausting. Yet you forget about how tired you are while your in that moment, because of the overwhelming compassion you have for these children.

When we got to Korah today we all settled into our routine. English was a lot better today. I think the children enjoyed the sentences they were learning a lot better this go round.... and I think they actually learned something. Score! We had them write out sentences and fill in the blank with their answers..... 1.My favorite subject is_______. 2. I like to play_____. 3. When I graduate I would like to be_____. 4. The Pet I would like to have is_____. or The pet I have is_____. Not only were they doing much better, but it was a lot of fun to listen to their answers. A lot of the children were saying english was their favorite activity today. Whoo Hoo!

The last class we went to was a bit more chaotic. After the lessons we gave out prizes to all the children and one received a medal. We gave out glow sticks to all the kids, and in my mind totally out weighed the medal in awesomeness. They loved them! and in the last room the kids were grabby and very impatient. Even having a translator wasn't any help in getting order with the kids. Lots of the children hid the prizes in their pockets and would come back up pretending like they didn't get one. A lot of these kids are beggars so I can't really blame them for how they are, but sometimes I think that they don't get the discipline they need because the excuse "well they don't have much, and we feel sorry for them." I'm sure it's different during the school year when it's not just ferengis (white foreigners) teaching them. Today I did not feel sorry for them.... this class was getting on my nerves.

After the regular routine today with "school" we hung out with the kids playing with them, singing, and etc. until lunch time. They always wait for lunch in one of the classrooms singing songs, clapping and drumming. So fun! I got to feed my old man again :) I just really love being able to spend time with him...... even though not much is said back and forth. I was less messy feeding him today because I had injera to scoop his food instead of just picking up rice it's self with my bare hands. He blessed me again after feeding him and I gave him a kiss on the head. He is a quiet old soul. The other men that Christy and Michael fed where quite the talkers..... singing songs and being picky with how big their bites were. It was hilarious glancing over at them hearing what all was going on.

When the children were done with lunch we hung out a little bit longer and one of the girls who is sponsored to stay there, took me by the hand to show me her room, which she shares with seven other girls. She was 14. She sat me down on one of the beds and handed me a small book of pictures with pictures of she and her family, and her sponsors. Her family photos look like her family wasn't that bad off and confused me a bit to why she was even here. I guess her parents died (possibly from HIV/AIDS) and she had no where else to go. I'm not really sure though.....

A little while later our group split up into two groups of five. We were going on house visits to a couple of the students at the project 61 orphanage/school. Not all the children are orphans that are sponsored. Some don't have parents but they have guardians looking after them. The home we went to was right by the dump field and stunk like no other. They were so excited that we were coming to visit. That is something I admire about the people in Ethiopia. They are very hospitable and are not self conscious about what their homes look like. They are just happy to have people come visit and have company.

We had a couple of translators come with us as well as a couple of the orphanage workers. The mother of the boy's home we visited was there and welcomed us in. She told us how glad she was that we came to visit, and told us about her family and how they got here. She was from the country and moved here to try to have a better life. Her rent is 150 Burr and I think her family barely slides by to make even that for the month. That is not even 17 us dollars. She searches through the dump to collect wood to sell for burning, which a lot of the time they can only find plastics and use that to burn instead of wood.

They use to allow people to visit the dump to minister to the people in there, but now they don't allow outsiders to go in because they are ashamed about their poverty. They don't want people to see how bad it is, but their government isn't doing anything to help them. Maybe they can't... I don't know... I doubt it though. You can always do SOMETHING! Maybe they look at other countries and see the "richness" they have and get caught up in trying to catch up. But in the end looking at those "rich" countries you have to realize the facade of it all..... Like America, we are so far in debt... TRILLIONS to be exact. We've blinded ourselves to what true richness in life is. Here in Ethiopia they live true richness of life, yet some don't even know it.

Sometimes I think God has given me a pare of spiritual glasses that see things some people can't.... seeing some things the way God sees it. Those that do live in unbelievable poverty literally scraping the dirt to get by, have such a bigger potential to flourish in the Holy Spirit than those who crowd their hearts and minds with the things of the world with the amount of success and trying to make more than they need. I see that in the people of Korah who live at the dump. They don't ask for prayer for a better house or for more money. When you ask them what they need prayer for, they ask for good health and protection over their family. Of course I'm sure their are the ones that live there who are angry with why their lives are the way they are. I just have yet to meet them. That is one thing (out of many) I have learned from Korah.... what I knew I would learn here... how much they rely on the Lord. How much they HAVE to rely on the Lord, and how content and joyous they are in the Lord.

Just to give you more of an idea of what the area setting is like.... When you walk down the streets it's not a bad idea to wear rain boots. Since we've visited Korah it's been pretty gloomy and with that.... rain.... and with rain.... mud. The streets are just paved with piles of mud and rocks and a lot of the puddles of water could just as well be puddles of urine from roaming goats and donkeys. Scraggley dogs and cats running to and fro to where ever they are going, or sometimes we'll just pass by them sound asleep in the road not budging even for cars. Street venders line up the main road with their fresh produce covered in dirt, waving off swarms of lazy flies. Flies also cover their own clothes and faces not even bothering to shoo them away. All the fence walls are made of metal tin. Most are rusted and some have holes. These metal "walls" are seen everywhere throughout Addis.

As we were walking to the house we were visiting, we got closer and closer to the dump. The stink in the air got more and more potent, and could eventually see mountains of trash in the distance blurred by a cloud of smog. It looked similar to something you would see in a holocaust movie. Like scenes when people would be sorting out the mountains of clothing or the scenes of still shots of the mountains of bodies covered with clouds of moving smoke/smog, not allowing you to quite make out what you were looking at. The whole setting... and just how that seemed to connect in my head.... ugh... I can't even describe other than deep sadness I felt. My spirits hit real low today.

How do people live like this day in and day out? I've visited Korah for less than a hole week and am already feeling down from the whole experience. I at least have a way out in the end. A plane ticket back to the U.S. in a few weeks, home safe and sound in my palace of an apartment. In my own bed with a cloud of down feathers for a comforter. All things which these people don't even know exist. They don't get any break from this lifestyle. Summer, who moved here from the mid-west U.S. and works at Project 61 in Korah, sees this everyday for the past year and staying for two more years. H does she do it? In my heart I hoped that I would be willing to do something like this full time, but now I am discouraged of thoughts that I don't think I can. I can't. There is no way, and that saddens my heart. Why does my heart want to follow God and give everything up for Him, yet in selfish desire I am not able to because I want to be comfortable. My heart weeps for these people, yet I am not willing to give up my life in the U.S. to physically help them. Oh Lord, I am so broken! It's very discouraging to come to this point today, having a heart to help and love people for my life's work, yet realizing I don't know if I can do that here. Or anywhere like this where it is needed most. Wow, what a low... what a rock bottom low today.

*Other Notes*
-Heather shared her testimony tonight. what an incredible and strong soul. Very moving

-Julia also shared her testimony. Turns out she was the Bean Queen of Michigan and knows more than she should about beans... (Julia, you HAD to be the real farter from last night during Steve's testimony).... nickname dubbed "Beans"

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